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Why your soulmate can be your best friend

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Ten years ago, I met my soulmate. She had short red hair, the kind that looked like Ariel. She has a smile that could light up even the darkest of rooms. She was born listening to rock n roll. She was just like me. We became friends suddenly, maybe even on accident, she didn’t know until recently, that it wasn’t her I was trying to befriend. Over the years, we saw each other lose friends, gain friends, but always stuck by one another. Until something clicked in us when we were around seventeen, and we became inseparable. My best friend has taught me that life is worth living, even in my darkest of days. That I can do whatever I put my mind to. But most importantly, that I am loved and absolutely do not need a man. After breaking up with my last boyfriend, I have dated some good and some bad guys. My first real relationship was based on love, but wasn’t full, and hers was emotionally draining. We both came out of them wondering what we would do with ourselves now these men who dominated our lives and hearts were no longer around. So what did we do? We fell in love with each other. Not in a sexual way, but in the most loving form. Although sometimes it may as well be a real relationship (Believe me, if I was gay, I’d marry her) Since then, I’ve realised that I have a soulmate who will never replace me for a more beautiful model. A soulmate who doesn’t care if I greet her in my jogging bottoms (because chances are, she is wearing them too). A soulmate who loves me for who I am, doesn’t control me, can share my stories like she shares my clothes, as if she’s lived in them too. It’s an incredible thing to meet somebody like that, and there is no way I’ll ever let her go.

These are the reasons why it’s absolutely possible for your best friend, or someone other than a sexual partner, to be your soulmate. And why you should look right in front of you to find true love.

1) How annoying is it having to wonder if it’s the right time for your hook-up/newest tinder friend/boyfriend (well who knows what’s going on) to meet your friends and family? You panic. Is it too early? Will they get freaked out? What does this mean? – with a best friend, there’s no need for that worry, because they’ll come into your house, greet your Mum with a non-awkward cuddle, kick their shoes off and snuggle up to you to watch Gossip Girl. And it absolutely feels the most natural thing in the world. They will also be the one to console you when said Tinder or Bumble date goes horribly wrong. I’m looking at you Bristol boy.

2) If they start ‘seeing other people’ it can actually be good for your relationship. God, imagine your boyfriend telling you he’d just been on a coffee date with the new girl in his office, you’d see red. But when it’s your best friend, seeing other people can be the best thing in the world. Their new pal will almost definitely be yours because if she loves them, you know you will too and it reminds you of just how loving and caring she is.

3) Fear, worry and panic. I’m unfortunately a sucker for it all. None of that will scare them off. You know the gut wrenching feeling you get in a relationship when you think something is wrong? Your tummy curls and you feel like life isn’t real. But then you become too scared to ask, thinking that it’ll be worse if you do. You psych yourself up and think of the worst possible scenario, and before you know it, bam. Your boyfriend is probably cheating on you right now and there is nothing you can do about it. None of this matters with your best friend, you can tell her absolutely anything. You can roll over and wake her up in the middle of the night, shake her and say ‘I’m scared’ or ‘I’ve been thinking about this’, and she will do her best to comfort you in the best possible way. There’s never anything too big to tell her, she wants to know it all.

4) ‘Don’t wear that dress’ is always for your own good, not because they are worried you’ll get too much attention or are insecure. Lots of people have seen some sort of controlling tendencies in their other half, even down to telling you what to wear. But hearing your best friend tell you that skirt is too short, is probably because she doesn’t want your boss to see your skimpy thong rather than she is a control freak. The negative comments she gives you will almost definitely be for your own greater good. She has a sixth sense. She knows what looks good on you, what you should say when you’re stuck for words, and if she tells you to cut that guy off – it’s not because she doesn’t like you giving other males attention, it’s because he is a (enter lots of naughty words). Again, I’m looking at you Bristol boy.

5) You can do everything together, and by everything, I don’t mean what you say when you’re in a really good relationship, I mean okay, there’s the normal stuff you can do together; cocktails, cinema dates, shopping. But she will do so much more with you than that. She’ll hold your hand when you get a bikini wax, she’ll fake tan the spots under your bum that you can’t reach and she will probably ask you to do hers too. And the best part – nothing you do grosses her out.

6) And just like nothing you do can gross each other out. Nothing about you scares her. You don’t care how ‘crazy’ she is, or if she calls you ten times in a row. And she doesn’t think you’re absolutely bonkers when you cry for the fifth time in a day. You even don’t mind when she’s sick on your hand as she’s got you both kicked out of that really fancy Chelsea club, that you were waiting so long to go to (thanks for that)…

7) In all relationships, you and your partner, will at some point, rub each other up the wrong way. If you’re arguing and you make a point, you can no doubt expect them to say the opposite. You rile each other up. And often, they pick at the things you complain about, causing you more stress than you had before. But your best friend will be the peace you need amongst your chaos. She will balance you out and make you see the positive in a situation, as well as reassuring you that it is not a big deal that you spilt barbecue sauce on your new pink trainers. On your darkest of days, she will remind you how dandy your life really is.

8) You are the same person. It’s funny because people start to notice that everything about you is similar. By this point, you’re wearing the same clothes, and can pack one denim skirt for your holiday to Croatia because you’re co-ordinating outfits and will just share everything. You can bet your bottom dollar that if you like something, she will too. Sometimes it’s sweet, and she doesn’t even have to really enjoy it, but you can tell she likes doing it anyway, just for you. She encourages new experiences in you, because she knows you’ll enjoy them just as much as her, and when she said you’d like country music, damn, she wasn’t wrong.

I’m so proud of everything my best friend has achieved lately. She’s kicking butt in everything she does. She’s nailed her degree, is travelling the world one country at a time, is about to embark on a huge journey in her new career, and is living out all of her dreams. One of those dreams is to chat a National Gallery wherever she visits, and seeing her do even these small things makes me glow with love for her. Recently, a guy came into her life who made her feel alive again, and sadly, the way it turned out made her feel pretty glum. Seeing her get treated the opposite of how she should be makes me stand in a tripod stance, like a kangaroo, ready to fight. But instead, I’m there, like she is for me, to pick up all of the pieces of her broken heart and stick them back together with all the super glue that it takes.

There are so many more reasons as to why my red-headed sidekick is the only better half I need, but these ones will have to do for now. Otherwise I’m bound to cry. Thank you for being my everything when I felt I had nothing. A note to everyone: hold on to all of those who love you unconditionally, they will lift you up like a hot air balloon, keep you afloat, and soar with you through the darkest of skies.

Mollie Davies.

Check out more from super talented journalist, Mollie Davies: @molliedavies5

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